


Better for You

by ziamsquad



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Suicide mention, because im not a monster, lots cuteness and lots of pain, self harm mention, very brief though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 05:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10326329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziamsquad/pseuds/ziamsquad
Summary: Magnus' and Alec's relationship comes to a sudden halt when Maryse interferes. They both try to cope without each other.





	

 

It was incredible how often Magnus was surprised by Alec and his antics, and today was no exception. Magnus rose early in the morning and shivered slightly as he walked towards his kitchen; the crisp air shattering against his skin. He mulled over the demanding clients he had appointments with later in the day when he caught something unfamiliar on his balcony from the corner of his eye.

He turns for a closer look and slowly walks towards the balcony and takes in the corner of the couch and someone’s boot hanging off the edge. Magnus raises his eyebrows as he pushes the patio doors open and walks towards his boyfriend sleeping in the freezing cold on his balcony.

“ _Alexander_ ,” Magnus nudges the other boys knee. He drops his hand onto Alec’s shoulder and shakes him awake.

Alec groans and forces his eyes open. “Hey,” He mumbles, as if this were a completely ordinary thing to wake up to.

“What in the world are you doing?” He asks incredulously, hiding the fondness in his voice as he helps Alec up. He takes in the younger boy’s dishevelled appearance, and he looks absolutely exhausted. His hair was sticking up in all sorts of angles and there was a soft shade of purple pooled under his eyes; his shoulders slumped and hands balled into fists.

“Come inside, your skin feels like ice.” Magnus ushers him inside, “Shall I make you some tea to warm you up? Run you a bath? I can-“

“Magnus.” Alec interrupts. “I’m fine, seriously.”

He notices how Alec’s eyes aren’t fully focused on him, something was obviously on his mind as his eyes flitted mid conversation. Alec sighs and kicks his boots and shrugs off his jacket, leaving him in a ridiculously tight black t-shirt and jeans the same shade.

“How long were you out there?” Magnus inquires, and hint of disapproval in his frown, “You’re going to get seriously sick now, I hope you realise. The temperature is in the minuses and you’re camping out as if it’s summer.”

Alec doesn’t respond, jus stares blankly at the tea Magnus was brewing. “Why didn’t you knock or let yourself in? My bed is big enough for the two of us.” He continues, “and you know that from experience, honestly Alexander if you wanted to stay over all you had to do was _ask_.”

“I was going to come in,” He mumbles after a few beats of silence, “But I freaked myself out. I was only out there for a few hours anyway.”

Magnus furrows his brows, prompting Alec to expand. “My Mother’s back at the institute,” Alec finally breathes out. “She arrived last night, I only lasted in that building for a few hours before I came down here.”

“Oh Alexander.” Magnus sighs. “You could have come to talk to me earlier, you have nothing to worry about with me.”

“I really was about to come in,” Alec insists earnestly. “I just sat down for a while to collect my thoughts, I was all over the place. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

Magnus nods, taking a sip of his tea. Alec looks up with a frown and keeps his gaze fixed on his boyfriend. “She’s fighting with Dad. About us -I mean, you and I. Thinks you’re no good for me.”

“Can’t say I didn’t see that one coming.” Magnus smiles wryly climbing off his stool and walking closer to Alec. “I don’t blame her, with your innocence and my…well, you know, _history_.” He puts his hand on Alec’s arm softly, “Now come on, you look exhausted, rest for a while.”

The other boy huffs unhappily, and Magnus smiles at his child like behaviour. He leads the way to his bedroom and drops himself onto the end of the bed. Magnus isn’t sure why after centuries of being alive, his stomach is flitting with butterflies as Alec stretches himself over the bed, his hands reaching for the hem of his t-shirt. Magnus beats him to it, and climbs onto Alec’s lap, pulling the shirt over his head.

The other boy is somehow already half asleep, unbuttoning his jeans and kicking them off. “G’night,” He mumbles, pulling Magnus’ silk sheets over his. “Love you.”

His heart leaps in his chest over the words, even though it’s not the first time he’s heard them from Alec. “Love you too, sleep well my love.” He returns, even though the other boy looks completely knocked out. He smiles down at his boyfriend, running his fingers through his dark hair. He catches the admiration and love on his own face, and wonders how it came to this so soon.

He never thought his heart would belong to a Shadowhunter, much less someone as selfless and beautiful as Alec. He shakes the thoughts away because he didn’t have time to start writing poetry in his mind about him; he had to get ready for his clients.

*

Magnus thought that after the party he had thrown on behalf of Maryse’s son, they would hopeful clear out any differences between them. He was incredibly wrong though, and somehow she has the rest of the institution against him too.

He knows this because he’s currently standing at the entrance watching everyone side eye him, but he looks past them, and searcher for a familiar face. He spots Alec walking in from the other side, and he looks just as uncomfortable at the looks he’s receiving.

Magnus walks towards him and they meet in the middle. “Hey,” Alec says uneasily, his eyes darting from side to side. “ _Okay_ , why is this so weird.”

Magnus shrugs, but smiles nonetheless. He watches as Alec’s discomfort quickly turns into annoyance, his brows furrowing and his lips pursing into a thin line. He feels Alec’s hand on his back suddenly, and the other on the back of his neck, pulling him close and pressing their lips together. The force of it makes Magnus stumble a bit, but he catches himself quickly and snakes an arm around Alec’s neck.

Their lips move together only for a moment before Magnus pulls away and Alec tries to chase his lips again. Magnus can’t help but let out a laugh at the other boy’s fervour, “Why don’t we take this somewhere we’re not being watched like hawks?”

Alec glances around quickly, his brows set in a stiff line, as if he was daring anyone to challenge him. “Fine, but only because we’re about to be indecent.”

He puts one hand on Magnus’ back and leads him towards his bedroom. “So I spoke to my mum today, and she didn’t bring you up once, which is a huge success.” Alec exclaims proudly.

“Where about is that woman anyway? So I can avoid going there.” Magnus asks, closing the bedroom door.

“In her office.” Alec replies offhandedly, his eyes raking over Magnus’ body. “I missed you.” He hums, his voice low and throaty.

Magnus raises his eyebrows, “Yeah, looks like it.” In an instant he’s trapped again the wall with Alec’s arms either side of him, the other boy leaning close and brushing their lips together.

Alec kisses him softly at first, testing waters before nipping Magnus’s bottom lip with his teeth and licking into his mouth. Magnus gasps into Alec’s mouth, who smiles in accomplishment and kisses more forcefully. His fingers move down and play with the hem of Magnus’ shirt, tugging upwards teasingly. “Take it off.” He mumbles against Alec’s skin.

He doesn’t need to be told twice, apparently, because it takes him seconds to yank off the delicate silk and he quickly removes his own shirt too. Alec’s mouth meets Magnus’ neck, sucking and biting at the soft skin there as he makes pleased noises.

Magnus jumps suddenly when a loud knock echoes through the room, his eyes going wide. “Ignore it,” Alec orders, his focus solely on running his hands across Magnus’ chest and back.

“Alec, open your door right now!” Maryse’s voice shouts.

“ _Shit_.” Alec mutters, moving off of his boyfriend and turning towards the door. He opens it slightly and pokes his head around. “Yes, mother?”

Magnus stands still, hoping Alec can get her of his case quickly. “What are you doing, let me come in.” She hisses and pushes past the door and her son. Her lips part in surprise when she takes in Magnus standing now in the middle of the room, holding his shirt to his bare chest.

“Oh. I see.” She says with tight lips, slowly walking backwards towards the door. “Well I suppose I’ll postpone our meeting.”

Alec follows his mother out the room and holds up a hand towards Magnus, signalling that he’ll only be a moment.

He sits on Alec’s bed and waits for their little conversation to finish, and he truly wishes he couldn’t hear them whispering feverishly. He’s not prying in the slightest but can’t help but over hear a few things spat but Maryse. “What were you thinking-“ and “In front of the whole damn institute”, and his favourite “he’s a downworlder, how could you ever think this is going to work out!”

They whisper some more and Magnus waits patiently for Alec to return to the room. He’s not hurt by Maryse’s words, he’s heard so much worse, and it’s expected for a mother to be protective of her son. So he gets it, he does.

It common for shadowhunter’s and downworlders alike to believe that a relationship between the two could never work, but it’s ridiculous to Magnus. He loves Alec and cares for him with every fibre of his being, that’s all that matters.

He can take whatever’s thrown at him, _Alexander_ , on the other hand. He’s sensitive, and cares too much about pleasing everyone else which means he hardly gets time to take care of himself. He takes every small bit of criticism to heart and won’t rest until he’s ‘fixed’ it.

Now Magnus has met millions of people in his lifetime, and if there’s anyone who is perfect just the way they are, it’s Alexander.

The only problem was making the other boy believe it too.

The sounds of the creaking door tares his mind away from his thoughts and he takes in Alec again, as he walks into the room. He grabs his t-shirt and pulls it over his head, his movements stiffer than before.

“I’ll assume that’s the end of whatever we were doing.” Magnus says lightly, buttoning up his own shirt.

“Sorry.” Alec mutters gruffly.

“It’s not a problem, my love. I should get going anyway.” He says, because it’s obvious Alec just wants to be alone now.

The other boy sighs and nods begrudgingly. “Yeah. I’ll see you later.” He presses a quick kiss to Magnus’ lips before letting the other boy leave the room.

Magnus walks down the hallway searching for Jace’s room to check up on him, there was a demon attack last week which he was still recovering from and if there’s a spell Magnus could cast to help; he’d be more than willing to.

He doesn’t quite make it to his room though, because he’s stopped by a strong hand gripping his forearm.

He doesn’t need to turn around to know it’s Maryse Lightwood, but he does anyway. “Magnus.” She says with a faux pleasantness in her tone. “Just the person I wanted to see.”

“Lovely.” Magnus responds as he clasps his hands together, a sarcastic smile on his face.

 

He thinks he’s grown enough to not need a lecturing from a parent, he’s lived centuries upon centuries, but somehow he’s currently sitting at a desk with Maryse pacing her office.

“Alright, Magnus. I’ve thought about this long and hard; I don’t want you to think I’m being unreasonable.” She starts, “Whatever I’m doing is for my son.”

“Well then, is your _son_ aware that you’ve got me sitting in your office?”

Maryse ignores him. “Alec has always had potential, I’m sure you’ll agree, and he getting closer than ever to reaching his goals.”

Magnus nods. Alexander always talk about moving up in ranks and becoming the head of the institute, then continuously moving upwards from there.

“You must understand how important it is to him to reach these goals.”

“I’m aware, Maryse.” He responds curtly.

“Then I’m sure you’re also aware that no one, especially those shadowhunter’s of high authority, are going to take him seriously if his boyfriend is a _downworlder_.” She says venomously.

“You can’t be serious right now, Maryse.” Magnus rolls his eyes. “This isn’t about what other people think, this is about the fact that your son loves me.” He tries not sound smug.

“You’re not understanding what I’m trying to say.” She says impatiently. “He won’t be able to achieve the things he’s dreamt of since he was a child, because no one will consider him.” She looks at him with pinched brows. “They’re always going to see him as someone with a bias, someone who doesn’t understand the implications of any major decisions they want to make.”

And okay, the over-protective woman standing in front of him was making sense. “I understand where you’re coming from, but surely Alexander’s experience and talent come before who he is dating?”

“You think Alec is the only one with talent? There’s a countless amount of people who are working towards the same goal and some who are far more talented than him, but it’s the little things that set them apart. They’ll someone with the same amount of talent, or even less, over Alec in a heartbeat just because of who he’s with.” She says. “And don’t get me wrong, I want my son to be happy with you, I can see how much you’ve affected him since you’ve come into his life and you care about him deeply. But this is about his future, which isn’t as temporary as relationships can be.”

Magnus is at a loss for words, because the thing is, she’s _right_. Alec would never be left to make important decisions, he would always be the one that was too soft, the one that fell for a downworlder. Magnus wasn’t letting Alec reach his full potential. He was holding his boyfriend back.

“What do you suppose I do?” Magnus inquires.

“Break up with him”

His heart sinks in his chest. “No. no, I can’t do that to him.” He shakes his head. His heart hurts at the thought of losing Alexander when he had just got him. He’s also pained by the idea of Alec never truly achieving what he wants, and at some point he will have to bring the blame to Magnus. If he doesn’t break up with him, Alec will come to his senses and realise what he’s losing and leave Magnus himself.

“Alec is strong, he’ll find someone.” Maryse sighs.

Magnus doesn’t have the willpower to respond, he’s suddenly exhausted so he stands up and draws himself a portal to his apartment, stepping inside before nodding curtly towards Maryse.

*

Maryse’s words were gnawing away at Magnus’ mind the next day since the minute he woke up to now. The clock blinked 22:45, and it had been three hours since he received a text from Alec, asking if he could come over.

Magnus didn’t reply, figuring the other boy would show up sooner or later. He wasn’t wrong, as soon as he heard a knock on the patio door he knew it could only be Alexander.

He climbs out of his chair and heads towards the patio, pulling the door open, taking in the tall grinning shadowhunter standing before him. “You could just use the front door, you know, like a normal person.” Magnus muses.

Alec shrugs, the smile not leaving his face. “And what’s got you so happy?”

“Nothing, just missed you.” He shrugs off his jacket and tosses it carelessly towards the sofa.

There was something about Alec that made Magnus fall so undeniably hard and fast for him, and his chest feels hollow as Maryse’s words come biting back into his mind.

Alec moves forward and puts his hands either side of Magnus’ face, kissing his face forcefully. He quickly grabs Magnus by the collar to stop him from stumbling back.

“Sometimes I think you’re not aware of your own strength.” Magnus laughs softly against Alec’s mouth, his hands gripping the other boy’s shirt.

Alec smiles sheepishly, wrapping his arms around Magnus’ waist. “Let me show you how strong I am, then.” He says, leading them towards Magnus’ bedroom, stumbling together in a tangle of legs.

Alec pushes Magnus onto the bed and crawls on top of him, leaving him trapped lying on his back. One of Alec’s hands slides under Magnus’ shirts, his hand roaming across his skin. He moves lower and bites at Magnus’ neck, where there was a bruise from yesterday’s half-finished love bite.

Magnus tries to form a coherent thought but can hardly remember his own name with Alec’s tongue on his skin and a hand messing with the waistband of his boxers.

“Hey, Hey.” Magnus breathes out. “Easy, tiger.”

“What’s wrong?” Alec asks, pulling away and looking down at his boyfriend, their bodies pressed together. He looked confused, his hazel eyes wide and soft.

Magnus winces, and gently extracts himself from Alec, who’s compliant as they move to sit cross legged on the bed across from each other; their knees pressed together.

“Everything okay, babe?” Alec asks again, his voice bordering concern. “If you want to do something else that’s fine.”

“Yeah, it’s just uh.” Magnus squeezes his eyes shut. He wants the best for Alec, he reminds himself. “Listen Alexander, I’ve had a long day, I’m exhausted.” Alec nods, and he curses himself because Alec’s is the most flawless person and would be content with watching movies and lying in bed. He deserves the world. “I think you should go home.” He says curtly, his voice not as kind as Alec deserved, or was used to from him. “I’ve been thinking, and I don’t think this is right for either of us.”

“Excuse me?” Alec looks at him incredulously, already shuffling away from Magnus, his cheeks turning pink.

Magnus doesn’t repeat himself, just watches as Alec almost falls over himself trying to scramble away from the bed, grabbing his boots from the floor. Magnus wants to cry.

He blinks up at Magnus, “I don’t – I don’t understand, I thought we were okay.” His voice is full of hurt. Magnus never wanted to be the one causing him pain. He feels like he’s been punched in the stomach, even though Alec’s the one in the receiving end of the unfair treatment.

“We _were_. Alexander.” He says softly, “I’m sorry, I truly am.”

“What, so you’re just going to break up with me? After everything?” Alec chokes out, his voice cracking. The sound makes Magnus want to take back his words and hold Alec close to him for the rest of eternity. “Where is this coming from?”

Magnus doesn’t respond though, just stares down at his hands. He makes the mistake of glancing up just for a fraction of a second, and Magnus can’t breathe. Alec looks _broken,_ his wide eyes glistening with unshed tears, and lips slightly parted.

“Oh Alexander, please don’t-“ Magnus starts, standing up. “Please don’t cry.”

“Draw me a portal,” Alec pleads, his voice cracking. “ _Please_.”

“Alexander listen to me,” Magnus says, “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, I just-“

“It’s fine Magnus, please – I understand,” Alec rambles, wiping his sleeves at the corner of his eyes, “I’m understand, I wouldn’t want to be with me either.”

Magnus’ heart shatters.

“Fine, I’ll walk.” He snaps, briskly walking out the room.

Magnus quickly follows him into the living room. “Wait, here.” He waves his hand in the centre of the room and quickly creates a portal to go straight to Alec’s bedroom.

The other boy doesn’t say another word, just steals one last glance and steps through the portal. As soon as Magnus closes it, he collapses onto his sofa. He’s had just about enough of today.

He wonders what will happen now. Alec will mope for a few days, then get back to training, working and saving the Underworld and Magnus’ heart will fail to repair itself. He hopes it’s more simple for Alec.

*

Alec falls straight onto his bed, kicking off his clothes and burrowing himself under his covers. This was his break-up, he was allowed to cry into his pillow and wallow about being alone once again. He can’t believe he fell for it. Years of building walls around himself and guarding his heart, all it took was one beautiful warlock for those walls to come crumbling down. Now his heart was crumbling with them.

It was his own fault for falling for it, how could he be so stupid to think that someone as incredible as Magnus would ever want to be with someone as mediocre as himself. He really believed Magnus loved him back, and Alec has never hated himself more for being so naïve and foolish.

“Alec! Hey, open up!”

He groans at the sound of Jace’s voice and his continuous banging on the door. “You need to fix whatever is bothering you because I want to sleep peacefully tonight!”

Stupid parabatai bond.

“I’m fine.” Alec shouts back.

“No you’re not, I can feel this disgusting feeling in my chest and it’s not going to let me sleep!” Jace responds, sounding annoyed.

Alec wonders if he’ll be able to sleep peacefully tonight. Or every other night. “Leave me alone.” He groans. “Please.”

He hears the sound of a key turning and quickly burrows himself further into his duvet. “Hey c’mon Alec, tell me what’s wrong?” Jace asks, sitting at the end of the bed, finally sounding concerned.

“I haven’t been sleeping properly,” Alec lies, his voice muffled by his bedsheets. “I’ll be fine if you just let me sleep.”

“Fine, don’t tell me.” Jace says, “Just relax and forgive yourself for whatever it is you’re beating yourself up over.”

Alec grunts in response, and finally he hears his parabatai leave the room. He sighs in relief, and tries to collect his thoughts; for Jace’s benefit if anything.

The skin under his eyes feels raw and damp as he wipes at them, feeling increasingly pathetic as more tears slide down his face.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. He loved Magnus, he’s never felt that way for anyone and as quickly as it came, it was snatched away from him. He wanted to be happy for longer, but now he’s alone again and his heart aches more than it ever has.

*

The next morning Alec wakes up with a pounding headache and the first thing he does is head to the kitchen for some coffee. Jace walks in at the same time and slumps on the breakfast bar stool, and Izzy smiles brightly at them both. “Sleep well, boys?”

“No.” Jace snaps, glaring pointedly at Alec.

“Screw you, Jace.” Alec mutters, reaching for the coffee pot.

“Oh my god.” He hears Jace, say, “Shit.” Alec turns to look at him with raised eyebrows.

“What?” He asks gruffly.

“Magnus broke up with you.” He blurts out, eyes wide. “That’s why I was feeling awful all night.”

Alec clenches his teeth, and chances a glance at his sister who looks just as shocked and mortified as Jace. “Oh no way in hell is he getting away with this.” Izzy hisses. “Is he being for real?” She demands.

“I’ll stick my seraph blade into his throat Alec, I swear I will.” Jace says, just as furious and protective as Izzy.

He loved them both with his whole heart, he really did. But right now, he did not need to be coddled. “Leave it, please.” He says, his voice completely serious. “Don’t do anything to him. I’m fine.”

“Oh Alec,” Izzy says sadly, throwing her arms around her brother. “It’s okay, you know you’ve always got all of us to talk to whenever you need.”

Alec nods stiffly, prying away from Izzy’s grip. He grabs his cup and leaves, heading back to his bedroom silently.

Alec wasn’t the only person to have his heart broken, everyone goes through it and they survive, and so will he. No one else loved their partner the way Alec loved ( _loves_ ) Magnus though, he mulls to himself.

But he was going to pull through, he was going to be okay.

*

Alec hadn’t heard from or seen Magnus in exactly eight days, and it was killing him. He thought he was healing but after a particularly awful demon attacks, one of their fighters is left fighting for life, and Magnus is immediately called to the institute. He was the only one powerful enough to save him.

He hears Magnus before he sees him. Alec stops in his tracks just before entering the main part of the building where everyone was flitting about trying to deal with the aftermath of the attack. He peers through the door and his heart jumps into his throat as soon as his eyes land on long messy tufts of black hair.

Magnus’ head was facing downwards as his hands glowed with blue magic. His hands hovered over the body, his body stiff and eyes focused. Alec never thought seeing him after all these days was going to feel like someone was piercing his heart with a knife.

He decides he’s not going to heal his heart by watching the love of his life from afar, so instead he heads towards the training area where he could channel all the negative energy inside him onto a punching bag.

He removes his shirt and stretches his arms quickly, before sending a pounding punch onto the stiff bag. He throws punch after punch, even kicking the bag until his arms and legs are aching, his knuckles bruised and covered in blood. He doesn’t know how long he stays there; all he knows that the searing pain in his arms is going stick around for days now.

The friction between his fist and the leather burns his skin and Alec can see his blood smeared all over the punching back. It’s a nasty habit he has, using physical pain distract him from the ache in his heart. And it works too until he’s about to throw another punch and his fist freezes midway, engulfed in blue light.

He tries to force his hand through it, but it remains frozen mid-punch.

“That’s _enough_ , Alexander.” He hears Magnus voice boom through the room.

Alec’s body trembles, and he’s too overcome with anger and sadness to turn to look at Magnus. He does though, eventually, and sees the look of sheer sorrow etched into Magnus’ face. He’s not allowed to be upset about this.

He feels a cooling sensation on both of his burning hands and realises the other man is using his magic to heal him. “Stop it!” Alec shouts, flexing his hands as if it would shake away the magic.

When Magnus is done with his, his bruises are fading and the cuts have closed up and the pain in his body easing up. Alec is breathing rapidly as he stares down at his hands, then glances up to look at Magnus who was watching him several meters away.

“Taking out you pain on yourself won’t resolve anything.” Magnus says softly.

“It’s none of your business what I do and don’t do.” Alec spits, and the words leave a dizzying effect on him because he’s never spoken to Magnus with so much venom in his voice.

Alec looks up sharply when he sees a flash of golden blonde enter the room. “What is he doing here?” Jace demands, storming up to them.

“Just checking up on him.” Magnus says defensively.

“You don’t have the liberty of doing that anymore.” Jace growls. Magnus was the High Warlock of Brooklyn, meaning he was in control of an incredible amount of power. That’s why it confused him why he didn’t defend himself when Jace lunged forward and grabbed Magnus roughly by the collar of his shirt.

“Jace!” Alec shouts, completely surprised by his brother’s actions.

Magnus doesn’t say a word of even lift a finger, and when Jace realises this, he lets him go. “Get out.” Jace grits out.

 He doesn’t need to be told twice, it takes an instance for a large portal to appear in front of them, Magnus chances one last glance at Alec before stepping inside.

“You alright?” Jace asks wryly, when they’re both alone.

“Yeah.” Alec replies gruffly. He wants to scream at him though, at everyone in fact. That he’s not fragile and doesn’t need saving, he can deal with one fucking breakup without everyone acting like he’s going to fall to pieces.

But Jace loves him and only intervened because he worries about Alec. He has to keep that; he can’t lose another person who genuinely looks out for him.

 “Let’s go for a drink. C’mon, we deserve it.” Jace says, grabbing Alec by the arm and dragging him along with him.

“ _We_?” Alex asks, his tone playful. “Did you just get dumped by boyfriend or was that me?”

“Technically, we both got dumped. Being parabatai and all.” Jace responds, grinning.

*

Alec gets _wasted_. He can’t think straight, can’t see straight, but still somehow his chest is pressed against another body at some club Jace dragged him too.

This was not his scene, not usually, but he thinks he deserves to let loose today. “Let’s get out of here.” The person he was dancing with shouts over the music, and Alec rattles his mind trying to remember the boy’s name.

He still nods in response and lets himself be pulled away from the throng of people. The other boy doesn’t waste a second before pressing his mouth against the rune on Alec’s throat, as they stumble to the bathrooms.

The other boy is giving him a filthy look, but there was only one name screaming repetitively in his head. Why wasn’t Magnus here with him? Why was he in the toilets of a club with a strange boy?

Alec fumbles out some excuse and leaves the guy there and rushes out the building. The cold hair hits his sweating body and he takes a deep breath, trying to focus his vision and clear his thoughts. He doesn’t really know how it happens, but he’s mumbling his former boyfriends name to himself and next thing he knows his phone is pressed to his ear.

He picks up after to rings, and lets out a quiet and confused “Alexander?”

Alec can’t talk, is mouth his dry, and his head is swimming due to intoxication. “Alexander,” Magnus repeats, this time more firmly. “Everything okay?”

“No,” Alec says, “No, _fuck_ you Magnus.” His words slur together and they don’t make any sense to him when he hears them come out his mouth. “I fucking hate you,”

“You’ve been drinking?” Magnus asks, sounding more shocked at that than Alec’s words.

“I tried to get my mind off you.” Alec admits, his voice going quieter. “I tried, but I was looking for you in every boy I spoke to.”

Alec doesn’t drink much, and he has no idea how to control the words spilling from his mouth. He has no idea why people do this for fun, he can’t seem to keep himself from sharing his thoughts with Magnus.

“I loved you so fucking much,” Alec declares, his voice shaking. “I feel like everything inside me is being torn apart. How do I make it stop, Magnus? You _must_ have a spell or a potion?”

Before he can listen for a response, Jace stumbles in front of him and Alec lowers his phone to his side. “Dude, what are you doing out here, s’freezing.” He grumbles, almost as drunk as Alec was.

“Take me home, please.” Alec says, glancing down at the phone in his hands, ending the call and pocketing his device.   

*

Alec wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of quiet shuffling, the room was too dark and his eyesight was blurry around the edges. He groans at the pain in his head, it was like someone was smashing a sledge hammer straight into his brain.

He hears a glass being put down on the bedside table, and something else that was probably a plate. He lets out a confused to noise, too tired and in too much pain to say anything. Alec wonders what the purpose of this dream was.

“Go back to sleep, Alexander.” He hears a familiar voice say, so he does. He closes his eyes and drifts back into unconsciousness within seconds.

*

Alec stares at the glass of light purple liquid on the table the next morning and wonders how the hell Magnus’ infamous hangover cure was in his bedroom. There was also a plate with some salted crackers and a few different coloured pills.

He’d rather die of the pain than take the medication. He turns in his bed and sharp pains shoots through his head, as if someone had taken his arrows and decided to pierce Alec’s head with them. He lied, Alec thinks to himself, as he leans forward and tosses the pills into his mouth and washes them down with the liquid.

He couldn’t even look at the crackers though; he couldn’t even stomach the thought of being anywhere near food.

It takes a moment but he sighs in relief when he feels a light cooling sensation in his head and the pain slowly dissipates.

His day was timetabled to be very busy today and he was thankful, because he didn’t have to think about how and why Magnus was still looking out for him.

He busies himself in reports and conversations with Jace and Izzy, helping them plan missions. “And he got so drunk-“ Jace waves his arms about dramatically, perched on the edge of the old oak desk in the study. “I honestly didn’t think he had it in him Iz, I mean he did drunkenly call Magnus, but-“

Alec looks up from his pile of papers. “I did what?”

Jace looks at him with parted lips. “You’re joking, right?”

And it comes back to him in pieces, somehow he remembers himself slurring out a _“I loved you,”_ and his world stops.

“Shit, no.” He breathes out, his mind spinning. There was no way he could be so stupid. Only he could, because he checks his call log and his heart sinks when he sees Magnus’ name, called at 01:21AM.

Alec groans and buries his head in his heads.

“Calm down, everyone does stupid things after a breakup.” Jace rolls his eyes, and Alec knows he’s only trying to lighten the mood and ensure he doesn’t beat himself up over this. “Once I left thirteen drunken voicemails for a girl I’d been out with once.”

“Shut up, Jace.” Izzy says. “Alec, babe, he won’t hold you accountable for the things you said to him while drunk.”

“Alright, your attempts to make me feel better have not gone unnoticed.” Alec says, standing up from his chair. “But I need to be alone now.”

*?

Alec finds that the most comforting thing he can do is throw himself into work. So that’s what he’s been doing, for the last five days, running on possibly three hours of sleep altogether.

Every time a mission comes through, Alec accepts it without even looking at the details; no matter how excruciating.

The most recent demon attack leaves him with a slash across the side of his neck. Alec makes sure to duck away unnoticed as soon as he gets back to the Institute, because the last thing he needs is people fussing over him.

When he gets to his room he locks himself into the ensuite bathroom, letting out a sigh of exhaustion. Finally, he was alone. He stares at his reflection in the mirror and arches his neck up to inspect the wound. The blood was drying on his skin and the cut was beginning to look crusty, it wasn’t a deep cut so it wasn’t threatening. He can deal with it himself.

The cleaning process still hurts like hell though, but he could deal with pain. What scares him tough is how pale his reflection looks, and the faraway look in his eyes as if his mind isn’t quite present. His cheeks were more hollowed than usual and the darkness under his eyes was haunting.

Alec turns away from his reflection, letting out another shuddering breath. He hadn’t had a minute to himself lately, he was over working himself and exhaustion had settled heavily into his bones. He had no other choice, the minute he gives himself the opportunity to relax his mind was going to wonder off into jeopardous territory.

He just couldn’t do that to himself.

*

Magnus is certain that he’s coping with situations in his life like a sane person would. Currently he was sitting at the kitchen counter watching his coffee pot boil, knowing well he could use his magic and have a brewed cup in front of him in seconds.

Lately he just didn’t have the willpower to conjure his magic, it was less effort just doing whatever tasks he needed himself.

Magnus has done a lot of thinking, and he’s come to the conclusion he did most definitely made the wrong decision. Alec’s relationship status was not Maryse’s decision, and Magnus shouldn’t have succumbed to her wishes so easily just because he thought he knew what was best for Alec. The other boy deserved to have a say in what happened, he was an adult capable of making his own decisions.

He was aware it wasn’t too late to change things around, maybe fix the relationship between himself and Alec, but he doesn’t know how he would go about it.

The most interaction Magnus had with the other boy was when he portalled into his bedroom to leave him a hangover cure. His drunken phone call had struck a particularly painful chord in his heart.

Drinking to forget was _Magnus’_ thing, not Alexander.

It hurt him, to hear Alec spit those words with so much hatred, but Magnus deserved it. He had no right to tear the younger boy’s world apart. He was also sick with worry thinking about Alec’s other dysfunctional coping mechanisms, finding him in the training room elbow deep in his own blood was devastating.

Magnus has been hurting ever since, all he wants to do is take care of Alec, but the universe seems to be against them.

He’s ripped away from his thoughts when his phone rings. He pulls out his device from his pocket and wonders why on earth Jace was calling him at 10pm. Last time he checked, the blonde hated him.

He answers the call and presses the phone to his ear.

“Magnus -Oh my god, _Magnus_.” Jace’s voice sounds frantic and close to tears. Magnus’ heart plummets.

“Jace.” He says steadily, “What’s wrong?” He would only call Magnus if it was an emergency, otherwise he would continue with the pretence that the warlock was the scum of the earth for breaking his brother’s heart.

“There was a demon attack and-“ He sounds out of breath, gasping for air as he chokes through a sob.

“Deep breaths, Jace.” He instructs, and he realises he’s been pacing his living room. “Calm down, and tell me what’s happening.”

“I don’t know if he’s breathing.” Jace shouts, his voice hardly understandable through the tears.

Magnus feels bile rise u in the back of his throat, his heart pounding in his chest suddenly. “Who’s not breathing?” He doesn’t hear an immediate response, he hears bustling and the sounds of rapid footsteps. “Jace! Who’s not breathing?” He demands again, his voice rising.

“Alec, he was just-“

Magnus doesn’t hear the rest of what Jace says, everything around him was suddenly just white noise. Alexander was hurt. Maybe _dead_.

“I need help, everyone else is on missions. -please, Magnus I _need_ -“

“Where are you?”

Jace rattles off his location and within seconds Magnus pulls up a portal, it’s the most energy he’s put into magic in weeks.

He lands on concreted ground in some sort of tunnel, with a small stream of water on his left side. It was almost pitch black, so he brings up one hand and uses his magic to create a bright beam of light.

“Here!” He hears Jace’s voice echo in the tunnel. As soon as he reaches them, he finds Jace kneeling on the ground with Alec’s head on his lap. Magnus instinctively uses a healing spell across the gash across his chest without even inspecting the wound. “Alexander, _please_.” He pleads.

He’s kneeling on the damp ground too, whispering incantations as his hands tremble with fear. His hands were clammy but he takes Alec out of Jace’s arms until his head was resting on Magnus’ chest and his body leaning on him.

He casts a portal and waves it around them, and suddenly they’re back in the loft. He places Alec on his bad, and Jace sits at the foot.

“He’s getting weaker; I can feel it.” Jace gasps out, his face stained with tears. “Alec’s been doing nothing but going on missions, he doesn’t eat or sleep. He was so weak today it was no wonder the demon attacked him so easily.”

Magnus was living inside a nightmare; his deepest fear was laying right in front of him. Alec’s skin was deathly pale, but the bleeding had stopped as Magnus uses his magic. Jace’s revelation shouldn’t shock Magnus, but it still does even though it was such a typical Alec manoeuvre. Taking care of everyone besides himself.

He notices another slash on Alec’s neck, but it didn’t look recent. “How did this get here?” He shows Jace, who looks just as confused. The cut was in the process of healing, but would definitely leave a nasty scar.

“I don’t know; he didn’t tell me he hurt himself.” Jace sounds upset.

“Of course he didn’t.” Magnus scoffs, mostly to himself.

He goes back to kneeling on the bed, one hand hovering over Alec’s chest, the other on his pulse. He turns to Jace “There’s a jar with blue liquid on the bottom shelf, bring it to me quickly.” He orders.

The other boy returns in seconds, and helps Magnus get some of the liquid into Alec’s mouth. “Please wake up,” He murmurs, “Come on sweetheart, you can do this.”

Alec’s heart and breathing rate improves slowly, but his breaths were still coming out shallow and slowly. Magnus continues to work his magic across his chest, until he feels Alec’s heart rate pick up. “I’ve got you, Alexander.” He says softly, “Just open your eyes.”

“Jace is here too, come on babe, he wants to see you.” He croons, but to no avail.

Magnus sighs and leans back onto the headboard. He glances up to see Jace looking at him with furrowed brows. “You’re talking to him as if you’re in love with him.” He says accusingly. “You brok up with him.”

Magnus would rather be having any other conversation right now. “I didn’t want to break up with him.” He snaps harshly. “Now be quiet.”

He sits up slightly and tries another incantation on Alec. “What d’you mean you didn’t want to?” Jace prods. “Why did you break his heart then?”

Magnus looks up at him sharply. “Your mother dearest got inside my head, okay? Now if you don’t mind keep your questions to yourself.”

“Get me the clear vile on the middle shelf,” He demands, and Jace hurries off again.

After slipping the liquid between the other boy’s lips, Jace and Magnus both wait for a reaction. It takes minutes, but it feels he was waiting for hours, before Alec splutters out a weak cough.

“Alexander! Come on, you can do this.” He says pleadingly, his hand stroking Alec’s hear. The fear inside him was starting to be replaced with hope, as he watched a hint of colour rise to the other boy’s cheeks.

Jace and Magnus both let out a sigh of sigh of relief when they notice Alec’s eyelashes flicker slightly. “Just open your eyes, babe.” He whispers softly.

Alec groans first, and when he opens his eyes it’s anything but graceful. “Oh my god, you’re okay.” Magnus says, his voice shakes and he doesn’t know why his cheeks are wet. Jace is shouting one thing or another, pulling at Alec’s arm joyfully.

Alec looks up at Magnus confusedly. “What am I doing here?” He says, wincing as he sits up.

Magnus wipes at his eyes and does the only thing he’s wanted to do since Alec got here. He pulls the other boy into a tight embrace, Alec is quick to react, his arms wrapping around Magnus just as tight.

“It’s alright, I’ll just leave then.” He hears Jace say.

Magnus’ head was tucked in the crook of Alec’s neck, but he still snaps his fingers to conjure a portal for Jace. “I’ll check in tomorrow,” He says, before disappearing.

Their bodies stay pressed together for a few minutes, as they quietly just soak in each other’s presence. “I thought I was going to lose you.” Magnus murmurs. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again.”

Alec slowly pulls his body away from Magnus, looking at him with wide curious eyes. “My mum really made you do it?” He asks, his voice small.

Magnus winces. “You heard that then?” Malec sighs, and Alec nods. This was good, he supposes, he had to tell the other boy _somehow_. “She convinced me it would be best for you.”

Alec’s face morphs into anger, “She had no right to do that!” He sounds furious.

“It wasn’t all her fault,” Magnus admits, “She only fed me with notions, I’m the one who made the decision. Don’t blame her for this. Blame me.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m _infuriated_ with you.” Alec says bitterly. “Why the hell didn’t you come and talk to me about it? You can’t just leave without an explanation!”

“I know, I know. I was foolish, but I really only wanted the best for you.” Magnus says, his voice calmer than Alec’s. “And somehow Maryse convinced me that leaving you was the best option.”

“You really believed that?” Alec asks, his voice venomous. “I was so fucking _lost_ without you. Every minute of the day my mind was on you, I just wanted everything to stop. I wasn’t taking care of myself at all, I went out on missions and didn’t use any of my self-defence skills, I just wanted everything to _end_. All because of what? You thought you knew what was _best_ for me?”

Magnus’ looks at Alec’s tear stained face with glistening eyes of his own, “Alexander I know I messed this up, but please, _please_ let me fix it.” He begs, “I don’t ever want to hurt you, but I can’t lose you.”

Alec doesn’t respond, just leans his head back onto the headboard. Magnus takes the moment to take how shattered he looks, drowning in exhaustion and sadness.

“I don’t want to do this without you Magnus.” Alec admits, his voice soft. “But I need you to trust that I know what I’m doing.”

“I know you do, babe.”

Alec crawls over and wraps his arms around Magnus again, resting his head on the other boy’s shoulder. “We can fix this.” He says, quiet but confident.

“We most certainly can, my love.” Magnus responds. “But first I think you need to rest, for a day or seven.”

Alec nods sleepily. “Yeah, we’ll talk tomorrow.” He’s smiling still, as if the prospect of the talking brings him happiness. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

Magnus lets Alec fall asleep on his bed, and he takes a moment to admire the beauty of the other man before peeling himself away from the bed. They were going to heal their relationship fragment by fragment, that opportunity enough was enough of a blessing and he didn’t want to push it.

He wanders off to one of the guest bedrooms, which were severely underused recently. The last guest was Jace, and for some reason Magnus was glad there was no one after him. The blonde had a habit of leaving a hurricane in his wake.

*

Magnus expects to wake up in the guest bed alone, instead he finds a raven haired boy sleeping with his head tucked in the crook of Magnus’ neck with half his body on him. One of Alec’s strong arms was wrapped around Magnus’ waist, and one of his legs slotted in between the warlock’s legs.

His heart flutters in his chest and he lets out a wistful breath. He smiles fondly thinking about how Alec probably woke up in the middle of the night, stumbling around the loft drunk on sleep looking for Magnus and bringing their bodies close together under the bedsheets.

He eventually untangles himself from the sleeping body next to him, which was a lot harder than it sounds because Alec somehow had a vice like grip even in his sleep.

Magnus meets with three different clients and settles several more deals by the time Alexander stumbles out the bedroom, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He was truly a sight to behold, his face unshaven and his inky hair sticking up everywhere, defying the law of physics. He was wearing a loose low cut sleeveless shirt, and a tight pair of black boxers.

“Morning,” Alec mumbles, his voice hoarse.

“It’s four in the afternoon, sweetheart.” Magnus muses, and Alec presses him up against the kitchen counter. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah,” He responds, his voice muffled and is ducks his head and nuzzles into Magnus’ neck. Alec’s lips are soft against Magnus’ neck, but the affection doesn’t last very long before Alec draws his head up slightly so they’re looking at each other, their faces only millimetres apart.

“Can I?” Alec asks, his voice soft.

“Please, do as you please Alexander.” Magnus chokes out, and Alec closes the space between the lips, slotting their mouths together. The world stops around them, Magnus is sure of it, the only thing that mattered was Alec’s lips pressed against his own.

Every worry, every doubt that he had flies out his mind as Alec snakes an arm around his waist, his other hand gently cupping Magnus’ face. Their lips move together until he feels Alec’s tongue caress his bottom lip, Magnus parts his lips and lets the other boy push his tongue into his mouth. Alec’s stubbles scratches against his skin and Magnus decides that’s definitely his new favourite thing.

They pull apart completely breathless, and Magnus can’t help but let out a low laugh. One thing he’s noticed is how Alec almost _always_ wakes up with one thing on his mind, and his hands always find themselves dragging across Magnus’ skin.

The slightest things set him off, and Magnus doesn’t complain at all. “What’s funny?” Alec asks grumpily, nudging their noses together.

“Weren’t we supposed to talk about _us_ , today?” Magnus laughs.

“Nothing to talk about,” Alec mutters, placing his hands on Magnus waist and pressing their bodies together. “I want you and by the looks of you pants-“ Alec lances down at Magnus’ situation “-I think you want me to.”

Magnus tips his head back with a laugh, “It’s more than about wanting each other, sweetheart.” The last word comes out slightly choked as Alec starts grinding is hips down on Magnus. “Oh god, _bedroom_ please, not in the kitchen.”

“ _Finally_.” Alec smirks, tangling his hands into the collar of Magnus’ shirt as they stumble back into the bedroom.

Magnus falls back onto the bed and Alec tosses of his shirt before crawling over him, his arms either side of the other boy.

The glamour on Magnus’ eyes vanish for a second, and his eyes glow amber. He’s not sure of it’s the arousal or the intensity that brings his cat eyes out, but whatever it was sparks a reaction from Alec as well.

His hazel eyes were darker than usual, an intense look in his eyes that he’s only seen a few times before. “Oh, and as far as talking goes.” Alec rasps out. “I love you, so fucking much. I don’t think anything else is relevant at this point.”

 Magnus nods raptly in agreement, unable to get any words out. Alec laughs at him, before leading his hands to the buttons on Magnus’ jeans.

“Can’t you just magic away your clothes, please?” Alec pleads.

“Impatient.” Magnus clicks his tongue.

Alec grins and sits up slightly to straddle the other man, arching his back slightly. He lets out a sudden hiss of pain, his features morphing into one of pain.

Magnus looks at him worriedly, “You’re still hurt babe, you need to relax yourself.”

“No,” Alex whines, “I’m fine, can we just get on with it.”

“My _god_ ,” Magnus laughs, “Who introduced you to sex?”

“You did,” Alec pouts.

“C’mon get off me and lay down.” Magnus instructs, and Alec looks disappointed but he listens. They switch places, this time Alec laying on his back, and Magnus perched between his knees.

Magnus drags down the soft black material of Alec’s boxers and hears him let out a surprised noise from the back of his throat. “What are you doing?” He asks, his voice almost breathless.

“I’ve been told I can do incredible things with my mouth.” Magnus says, surprised by the low throaty moan that comes from the other man.

*

Over the next few days they fall back into an easy balance, as if nothing had come between them in the first place. Alec talks to his mother too, explains firmly that Magnus is not going anywhere and that it would better for everyone if she just accepted that.

Currently, Magnus, Alec and Jace were lounging on the balcony with several of his cats weaving in between them. Jace was rattling off embarrassing stories about Alec from their childhood while the taller boy protested.

“-he couldn’t tell anyone, but I knew of course, I mean- which eleven year old still _cries_ because they’re scared of the dark?” Jace says, and Alec furrows his brows.

“I wasn’t scared,” He says, turning to look at Magnus who was laughing at both of them. “Magnus, tell him I wasn’t scared.”

Magnus loops one arm around the other boy’s waist. “Leave him alone Jace. We hardly every use a nightlight anymore.”

Alec scowls and pulls himself away from his boyfriend. “You’re both awful.”

“Alexander,” Magnus laughs, “I’m joking, I love you, I do.”

“I don’ love you.” Alec pouts.

“Oh! I have another one!” Jace interrupts.

“Shut up, Jace,” Alec groans, “I’ve had enough of you both.”

Magnus grins widely, pushing up on his toes to press a kiss onto Alec’s lips. “Tell me you love me and we’ll stop.” He says sweetly.

Alec tries pulling him back and chasing his lips, and lets out a whine when Magnus looks at him expectantly. “I love you, Magnus. I love you _so_ much.”

Magnus smiles triumphantly, letting Alec kiss him again and thanking every angel in the universe that he was given another chance with Alec Lightwood.

**Author's Note:**

> that was a bit rused i truly dont know how to pace my stories yet im sorry!!! im learning!! i didnt get this beta'd forgive me  
> \- also please leave comments so i know what you guys thought and/or message me on tumblr! @zrdu
> 
> and thank you for reading, check out my other malec piece too if you like X


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